If you’re conflicted about the choice, you’re experiencing cognitive dissonance — the discomfort, tension, or anxiety that results from holding two conflicting beliefs at the same time. (1) “It’s not a bad thing, although it kind of gets a bad rap,” says Michele Leno, PhD, a psychologist and founder of DML Psychological Services in Farmington Hills, Michigan. In the new job scenario, you know you can only accept one offer, but there are aspects of both that are appealing to you, which is why and how you experience dissonance. RELATED: Cognitive Dissonance Happens in Real Life All the Time The dissonance can help you make a better decision between your choices if you recognize the conflict and resolve it. In this case, that might mean recognizing what about each job is appealing to you, and being honest with yourself about which factors are most important to you: the paycheck you’re bringing home or the satisfaction you get from the work.
Cognitive Dissonance Is a Result of Having the Freedom to Decide
Psychologists call the cognitive dissonance we experience in decision-making the “free-choice paradigm.” When it comes to making decisions, usually we’re not presented with one perfect option, which means we have to weigh one imperfect option against another imperfect option (there are pluses and minuses to both), which creates dissonance. (2) You experience that internal conflict as your brain tries to balance those two (or more) choices, Dr. Leno says. Or, it may come up after a decision has been made, and lead you to rationalize why you made the choice you did make. That’s because making a choice doesn’t automatically make the positive attributes of the other choice go away. You know the feeling when you’re ordering an ice cream cone and you pick chocolate, then immediately wonder if caramel swirl would have been the better pick? To convince yourself you have made the right decision you might tell yourself it doesn’t matter if the caramel flavor was better, you were in the mood for chocolate anyway. Psychologists put it this way in one paper: “People rationalize the choices they make when confronted with difficult decisions by claiming they never wanted the option they did not choose.” (1) No one wants to admit they made a bad decision. Your brain gets that and will instinctively adjust your attitude to support the choice you made, making what you chose seem more attractive and what you didn’t choose less so. RELATED: How and Why to Reduce the Cognitive Dissonance You Feel
You’ll Experience More Cognitive Dissonance With Some Decisions Than Others
For most of our day-to-day decisions, recognizing and resolving the dissonance that results probably happens fairly quickly. A lot of times, when the brain sorts through cognitive dissonance, you’re not even aware of it, Leno says. Think about choosing what to wear in the morning or what to eat for breakfast. You may experience more dissonance if you’re in an indecisive mood or if (in the case of the outfit) you have an important presentation that day. But most of the time, you’ve resolved and forgotten about any conflict either of those decisions caused by the time you’ve started your to-do list for the day, Leno says. In other decisions, the dissonance you feel and try to resolve may be greater because the decision is a more meaningful or impactful one, such as the decision between the two job offers. The dissonance may linger, and it may take longer for you to completely resolve the dissonance. RELATED: How Cognitive Dissonance Affects Your Relationships Consider another example: You’re looking to buy a used car. You’ve narrowed it down to a Honda and a Toyota, both of which have low mileage and drive well. You test drive them both, and after much debate you decide to buy the Toyota. Just because you made that choice doesn’t mean all of the good things about the Honda go away. But in your mind they may as well have. Now, whenever you drive past a Honda on the road, you focus on the car’s negative qualities. You might say to yourself, “Ugh, that car has awful gas mileage,” or “I hated the interior,” or “It’s just not worth the money.” You’re justifying your choice to reduce the dissonance and to make you feel like you made the right decision, Leno says. This type of reaction is completely natural, she adds.
How to Recognize Cognitive Dissonance to Help You Make Better Decisions — and Better Yourself
The best way to deal with cognitive dissonance in decision-making is to address it head-on rather than brushing it under the rug and letting your anxiety build over time, Leno says. “Take responsibility for everything that you do,” she explains. “Be as real as possible with yourself.” As a result of being more honest, you’ll think through your decisions in a responsible way and learn more about yourself, too. Let’s go back to the job offers. It’s important to you to work in a job you love. But you also know you have student loan debt to pay off and you don’t want to ask your parents for help paying your rent. It may be more important to you to bring home that bigger paycheck right now. That potential for self-growth is why Leno says cognitive dissonance can be a good thing. “Cognitive dissonance can be great for our decisions if we allow ourselves to experience it and accept the anxiety that comes with it as opposed to trying to get rid of it so fast and justify whatever is happening,” Leno says. Try to embrace the anxiety, Leno says. When you feel it, give yourself time to work through your feelings about the decision you’re facing. Write your thoughts down in a notebook. Reflect on the challenges. Make a pros and cons list, and jot down your emotions, too. Meditate. Exercise if it helps you think. “Be alone with your thoughts, and figure out what’s going on,” Leno says. That way, you’ll have a better chance of making the right choice from the beginning rather than having to rationalize it later. And feeling like you made a good decision — one you’re proud to stand by — is always a good thing. “It makes it easier for people to be around you,” Leno says, since you’re not constantly complaining about or making excuses for your situation.
