A study published in September 2020 in the journal Quality of Life Research found that when a young person’s inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) is active, they’re more likely to feel embarrassed about their condition and insecure about their friendships. The researchers also found anxiety and loneliness to be common among participants, who ranged in age from 14 to 25. Still, even though the last thing you may feel like doing (or be able to do) in the middle of a flare is hanging out with your friends and family, it’s also true that socializing can boost your mood and help you feel better. Here are five ways — many of which have become more common in the age of COVID-19 — to remain social during a Crohn’s flare.
1. Have a virtual movie date with a friend
“One of my favorite ways to socialize during a flare is to start a TV show with a friend,” says Emily Petokas, 28, who was diagnosed with IBD in 2019. “It requires no physical effort, so your body can rest.” Looking to expand your social circle? “You can even ask your friends to invite their friends, and then host a big Zoom call,” she says. Or, start a virtual movie or TV night that’s just for people who have IBD.
2. Order in
Even if you’re not feeling well enough to go to a restaurant, you and a close friend — one who doesn’t make you feel self-conscious about your symptoms — can still order food and have it delivered. (Still don’t feel comfortable socializing in person? Order takeout with a friend or two and eat dinner together over Zoom or FaceTime.) Sara Fierman, 42, who has IBD, favors food from vegan, Thai, or Vietnamese restaurants, since you can often avoid butter. “Sushi is also a safe food for the most part,” she says, “but everyone with Crohn’s is different in what they can eat.” The day before you meet up with a friend in person, try to avoid any foods that might aggravate your symptoms. Alicia Harper, 30, who has IBD, skips dairy, fried foods, chocolate, and caffeine. “As hard as this can be, sometimes it has helped immensely and let me sleep easier the night before a social outing,” she says.
4. Cook dinner at home
For Fierman, who is highly lactose intolerant and also has gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), eating at a restaurant is very difficult. “I have a lot of food limitations, so I prefer to cook at home [with friends],” she says. “This way, I can make sure I know of all the ingredients in the food that I eat.” If you’re not able to cook during a flare, you can invite a close friend or two to your house for a potluck dinner. (They’ll understand.) Just let them know that you’ll still be limited in what you can eat, even if you are dining in. “I try to not eat high-fat or greasy foods before I go out somewhere or when I’m at a friend’s house,” says Lynne Labott, 52, who was diagnosed with IBD when she was 20 years old. Even if you can’t eat very much when you’re with your friends, you can always eat beforehand and spend the time socializing. “I force myself to eat something before I go out, even if it is a few crackers or a banana to absorb the stomach acid,” says Labott.
5. Be open with your friends and family
Yes, you may have to cancel plans from time to time. But your real friends will understand. “Be honest with people close to you,” says Dana Schaeffer, 40, who has IBD. “Most people are very understanding and supportive. The more we talk about the disease openly, the easier it becomes.” “My friends know to try and make plans with me at least 24 hours in advance and don’t get mad when I turn down invites on short notice if I’m not feeling great,” Harper says, adding that she has a small circle of close, understanding friends. What you shouldn’t do is wall yourself off from others, which may cause you to feel even lonelier and more isolated, neither of which is good for your mental health. Besides, you might be surprised by how many people have similar issues. “I have found that the more open I’ve been about having the disease, the more people I hear from that have it as well,” says Schaeffer. “It’s a larger community than you might think.”
