— Mikayla, New York I understand just how painful it can be to see a loved one harming their health and feel like you are unable to get them to change. Naturally, educating your mom about the harmful effects can sometimes help. As is often the case, however, your mom is under the impression that not “inhaling” reduces the health risks associated with smoking. Unfortunately, she is incorrect. Smokers who do not inhale are still at risk, thanks to the ill effects of secondhand smoke produced by their own cigarettes! Not to mention the fact that secondhand smoke is placing your health at risk. People who claim not to inhale also frequently inhale more than they realize. In addition, the risk of developing other types of cancer besides lung cancer, including certain oral cancers, remains high. Although providing this information to your mom may prove somewhat useful, I find that scare tactics and disapproval rarely work. It’s far better to focus on the benefits of quitting. Help her understand that, in addition to saving money, people who quit smoking often report feeling more energetic, healthier, and in control of their lives. Tell her that you would appreciate it, and enjoy your time with her so much more, if she at least didn’t smoke around you, especially because her smoking is affecting your health. Often, reducing the number of places where a person may smoke leads to a natural reduction in the total amount they smoke. So negotiate with your mom and see if she’s willing to at least stop smoking in your house or when you are in the car together. If she feels she is helping you, and she has fewer opportunities to smoke around you, it may motivate her to stop. Try not to sound accusatory or punitive. No one likes to be told what to do. Rather, be honest and clear in stating your needs. Stick to what we call “I” statements and avoid the more accusatory word “you.” For example, instead of saying, “Your smoking makes me feel sick, and you make it hard for me to breathe,” consider saying, “I feel sick and have trouble breathing around smoke.” It is also important to make direct requests that meet your needs while not stepping on the other person’s rights or opinions. Follow the first statement of fact with a direct request that recognizes the other person’s valid point of view, such as, “I know that you enjoy smoking and don’t want to stop right now, but could I ask that when we are in the car or house together you not smoke?” Often these small steps and open communication can accomplish a great deal! Q2. My grandparents live with me and my 6-year-old daughter. They both smoke in the house and around my daughter, no matter what I say. Do you have any suggestions on how to convince them to quit? — Melisa, California The best way to get someone to quit smoking is to figure out what they care about. Try to understand why your grandparents smoke — is it just habit, do they worry about gaining weight? And try to figure out reasons they don’t like smoking — does it cost a lot of money, do they worry about the health risks to you and your child? There certainly are health risks of secondhand smoke. In children there can be increased rates and severity of asthma, increased colds and ear infections, and even dental cavities. You should also know that there are many options to help adults quit smoking, such as nicotine patches and medications that decrease the craving for nicotine. If your relatives are interested, have them discuss the issue with their doctor or even with your daughter’s pediatrician. Quitting smoking can be a long process. Don’t give up on your grandparents. Your constant encouragement can make a difference!
