Whether it’s fearing encountering certain foods, worrying about bingeing and purging, or anxiety about facing loved ones with whom they have a difficult relationship, there’s a lot more going on at the table for people with eating disorders than others may realize.“As a holiday that’s focused almost entirely on eating, Thanksgiving emphasizes the very thing those with eating disorders are struggling so much with: their relationship with food,” says Carrie Wasterlain, LCSW, assistant director of The Dorm, which specializes in mental healthcare for young adults in New York City and Washington, D.C. Abundant food options, inner pressures to eat — or not eat — or worrying that people will judge what you are eating can all make this holiday very challenging, Wasterlain adds. “Society has also normalized disordered eating behaviors on this day, whether it’s ‘fasting until dinner,’ or ‘eating until I can barely move,’” Wasterlain says. The dual pressure to overindulge and then feel guilty for eating large portions can make this holiday feel overwhelming, she adds. And the normalization of those behaviors may lead people who struggle with restriction or bingeing to consider purging or using laxatives to alleviate feelings of guilt and anxiety, says Wasterlain. And while Thanksgiving can be challenging every year, this year’s holiday may be especially difficult because of the extra importance placed on being together again after having to forgo seeing family during the 2020 holidays, notes Landry Weatherston-Yarborough, a certified eating disorder specialist and clinical director of the Eating Recovery Center in Denver. RELATED: 5 Ways to Manage Eating Disorder Triggers Outside the Treatment Center
How to Survive — and Even Enjoy — the Thanksgiving Holiday
Having an array of coping strategies to turn to is crucial if you have an eating disorder, says Weatherston-Yarborough. If you have any type of eating disorder, these tips can help you thrive this holiday.
1. Treat the Day Like Any Other Day
Be sure to eat three balanced meals at the appropriate times on the holiday, just as you would any other day, to ensure that your body is well nourished, Weatherston-Yarborough advises. “Many people, even those without eating disorders, skip other meals on Thanksgiving Day and plan to just have Thanksgiving dinner,” she says. But eating throughout the day — and following your meal plan if you have one — is an important step toward reducing your likelihood of using eating disordered behaviors, says Weatherston-Yarborough. “Ideally, those struggling can come up with a specific meal plan for the day with an eating-disorder-informed dietitian,” she adds.
2. Check In With Yourself Throughout the Day
Although Thanksgiving is just one day, it can seem like a very long one for someone in recovery from an eating disorder. Acknowledging that the holiday may be a struggle and planning to take several mini self-care timeouts — to decompress, practice deep breathing, or go a short walk — can help you avoid feeling a lot of stress, Weatherston-Yarborough says.
3. Make Gratitude the Focus of the Holiday
“Thanksgiving’s natural focus on gratitude is actually very beneficial because expressing gratitude is a mood booster,” says Weatherston-Yarborough. She recommends creating a gratitude list of the people, experiences, and things that truly have enhanced your life. The mental health benefits of listing such things are science-backed. For example, a March 2019 study published in Frontiers in Psychology linked keeping a gratitude list for 14 days with an increased likelihood of experiencing positive emotions, self-reported happiness, and satisfaction with life, as well as a decreased likelihood of experiencing negative emotions or symptoms of depression. RELATED: How Maintaining a Gratitude Journal for 1 Month Made Me Happier
4. Spend Time Renewing and Recharging
You don’t have to spend all of Thanksgiving Day practicing typical holiday traditions. You could break the mold by making new traditions or even just setting aside time to do something renewing and recharging for yourself. “It might be some time alone, watching a holiday movie, or taking a mindful walk — whatever brings you joy,” Weatherston-Yarborough says. “The more kindness we can offer ourselves, the better,” adds Wasterlain.
5. Identify Your Boundaries Before You Arrive
Before gathering with family and friends, it can be empowering to plan how you want to respond if a triggering topic or comment comes up, says Weatherston-Yarborough. “Boundaries are intensely personal decisions related to a person’s individual values,” she explains. There’s no right or wrong — you are setting them to help you avoid situations that are stressful to you. Boundaries to consider setting include knowing that you:
Can move your seat if being next to a certain person brings up negative emotions for youChange the subject or leave a conversation that makes you uncomfortable, such as those about diets, exercise, or body shapes and sizesSay “no” firmly to someone who is pushing you to eat a particular foodShorten how long you stay at the gathering if you’re feeling uneasy
“It’s helpful to determine one’s boundaries in advance of these challenging interactions, whether in self-reflection or with the support of a trusted other,” Weatherston-Yarborough says.
6. Call In Supportive Reinforcements
Those with eating concerns may feel extra pressure to make the “right” choices and eat the “right” portions when it comes to participating in meals, which may be anxiety-inducing, explains Wasterlain. In such cases, you may want to consider surrounding yourself with more support than usual. “Extra support from a recovery-focused community, support group, or therapist is also helpful to counterbalance experiences of lack of support,” says Weatherston-Yarborough. If possible, try reaching out beforehand to a family member or friend who will be at the meal (or to someone you can easily reach by text or a phone call) and ask them to act as your support person. Knowing that you can turn to them if you’re struggling can help make the day less emotionally taxing right from the start.
7. Focus on Eating Mindfully
Mindful eating means being present and noticing what’s going on around you at the Thanksgiving table, explains Susan Zilberman, a certified mind-body eating coach who works with people who are trying to improve their relationship with food. Ways to practice mindful eating include:
Focusing on the people with whom you’re sharing your mealNoticing the aromas, colors, textures, and presentation of the mealDeciding in advance how you want to feel when you’re done eating and planning your meal accordinglyPausing before eating to be truly thankful about where your food came from, including all the people who invested their time, effort, and talent to prepare itCarefully choosing what you want and need to eatSetting your fork down between bites to let the flavors and experience linger before you take your next biteNoticing as the food gently fills your stomach. Pause for several minutes in the middle of eating to reconnect with your hunger, satisfaction levels, and enjoyment of the meal.Remind yourself to avoid “all or nothing” thinking. If you’re already full, there’s no need to eat more now and feel uncomfortable. You can eat more later or at another meal.
“While there may be a temptation to binge at Thanksgiving, there is an opportunity to skip the binge as well,” says Zilberman. “There is the company of family and friends, good conversation, and delicious food. And luckily that food will be on the Thanksgiving table next year and the years after, so there’s no need to eat too much of it in one sitting. Not to mention, there will be leftovers for when you get hungry again.”
How to Support a Loved One With an Eating Disorder
If you’re spending Thanksgiving with someone who has an eating disorder or a history of disordered eating, Wasterlain suggests asking the person in advance how you can support them. “Avoid commenting on their food choices or body, even if your intentions are good,” Wasterlain says. “Try to focus on the deeper intention of Thanksgiving — fostering connection, love, and gratitude, rather than making food the entire focus of the day,” she says.
